There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
