i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
