Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
