Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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