writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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