What a fucking waste of an outfit
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
