I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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