actually, I'm a sock model
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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