After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
