Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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