My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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