im about as happy as oj after his trial
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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