Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
