nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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