I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
