angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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