She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
