drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
