I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
