Sry I called you an 8
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
be right there i have to get my cape
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
