trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
