i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
