new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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