dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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