If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
