It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
