the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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