I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
