When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
