I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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