i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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