I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
