Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
as a side note pls kill me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
