So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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