I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
