Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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