guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
