Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.