hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.