I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.