did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
