its not stalking. its research.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
