I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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