I just made out with a guy for $7.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
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he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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