I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
