I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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