Dual....:-)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
