id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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