Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
time to smoke my breakfast
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
