What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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