Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
