Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
