his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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