There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
