so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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