you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
