oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize