I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
