I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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