I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
