I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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