Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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