you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
