So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
