I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize