So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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