Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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