Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dicks are not precious.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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