I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize