tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
