you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
