doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
